Honestly . . . and sometimes it hurts

I don't like chit-chat.

I don't like to shop (hate it, unless I'm looking for books).

I love learning about lots of things (even things I don't like on the face of things like Iron Maiden - lots of the lyrics are all about history.)

I'm not a very constant friend, but I love my friends for putting up with that.

I like things to be done my way - and I often yell when they are not.

I see how we (Christians) make up our own gospel all the time and that really hurts.

I love learning about other cultures through meeting people, reading books, watching movies, etc. Some of these cultures have some customs that seem very hard to follow and that hurts.

I loved reading My Name Is Asher Lev, The Gift of Asher Lev, The Chosen, Kite Runner, A Thousand Splendid Suns, and several of Yep Laurence's books. These books are very real and sometimes it hurts to read them.

The people who do not think I am real have never tried to get to know me - just ask my husband.

I don't do a lot of girly things like scrapbooking, beading, etc. I prefer to make things for the 2 and 3 year-olds in my Sunday School class - things that help them remember. I also love making things for my sons and husband or fixing things (or rigging them).

I love, love, love teaching my kids (and I hate it too, when I get angry and impatient). They are such smart guys and talented, although at least one of them thinks I turned him into geek.

Brokenness and Humility

My heart is being searched and I am seeing a great deal more of "why" I should be humble. All it took was for me to read 41 Evidences Of Pride.

I have been reading a great deal lately about spiritual revival and humility. It all seems so hard until you realize that what you have been living for is a lie.

Every time I get frustrated because things are not working out my way;
every time I get in an argument with my husband and won't let it go until he sees it my way;
every time my rush to get somewhere leads me to yell at my kids;
every time I get down because someone doesn't gush over something I said or did;
every time I feel hurt because someone pushes my ideas aside;
every time I interrupt a person who is talking to me; etc.
Each and every one of these times I have lived out the lie that I should be living for me.

In A Quest for More Tripp calls these moments "shadow glories". I was created to live for much, much more! In desiring to live for myself, I give up the transendence of living for Christ. Pride is obviously the culprit; my pride is evidenced in my answers to the questions I have linked to above.

There is a better way. Through repentance and humility I can gain a world that does not pass away and my Father and I can communicate. My Father's voice can be heard when I repent of my arrogance and acknowledge that his ways are much, much higher than my own. When I trust him and recognize his love, his sovereignty, his providence, his power, his righteousness, his holiness, his complete transendence of all, I can begin to see why living for myself is so utterly ridiculous (truly to be ridiculed)... and I fall in love with my Savior and he heals me.

Wouldn't it be so much easier. . .

- if God told us that the slow car in front of us was timed to be there by Him so that something marvelous could happen?

- if the price check at the grocery store was explained to us in the morning by a personal visit from Christ?

- if the annoying sound of a whining child were revealed to us to be a critical time of ministry that would change his/her life?

- if the burned meal were an opportunity to see God's graciousness and providence?

And yet it is all marvelous because we have the most remarkable evidence that he is trustworthy and loving in Christ's death on the cross!


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